Making progress

So today I sat down and did some Personal Progress. I've been meaning to do it for a while, but on Sundays all my good intentions fade away as I unintentionally take three hour naps. But, today, I decided I would go and do it before I even thought about sitting down on the couch of drowsiness. And...it was kind of awesome. As you all know - or, maybe you don't - my last few experiences are from the value integrity. As I've been doing this blog and studying what integrity exactly is, I've grown a great love for the word. I know, it sounds kind of nerdy, but that's ok. Because as I was finishing up some experiences, and started my last one (my LAST one! You have no idea how much that excites me!) I just felt so incredibly happy. It was just...satisfying, I guess would be a good word, to be learning about integrity, what it means and what it takes to be living a life of integrity.

Writing in my Personal Progress journal, I was reminded of how closely related integrity and virtue are. They aren't one and the same, but if you're living a life of integrity, you'll be virtuous, and vice versa. It's like faith and hope. The heart and the mind. The spirit and the scriptures. They're intertwined and almost necessary to each other.

Another thing I started thinking about as I was writing in that journal, was the changes I have been making in the past year or so. Especially since around, maybe November or December. You see, I've always been a good kid. Never really had a whole lot of problems. Pretty obedient, and did what I was supposed to. But, now, it's been like I WANT to be better. I WANT to be the best I can be. It's not just because it's what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to live. It's because I have that desire. And, of course, there's times I slack. I choose some selfish things, or worldly things, over the better things. But I try not to. It's really the only reason why I feel comfortable doing this blog, if that makes sense. Because I don't want to feel like I'm bragging. I don't want this to be a show of how much I know, how good I am. Because I could name off a whole list of people who know more than me, who try harder than me, who have progressed more than me, who have changed more than me. But, I feel comfortable doing this because I'm striving to be the best I can be. And this blog is probably helping me a lot more than it's helping any of you. It helps me think things through. Pick details out instead of looking at things just generally. I'm learning how to better apply things to my own life. I'm learning the importance of integrity, and why I should be living it in my life.

In my scripture study recently, I've come across several instances where people have had a change of heart, and then because of that change of heart have gone and striven to share their experience, share the Gospel. People like Alma, both the elder and the younger, Ammon and the other sons of Mosiah, Amulek and Zeezrom, King Lamoni. And then, a week or so ago, my brother and my mom had a discussion about the Atonement. And how, if you really, truly understand it. If you've really applied it into your life, understand what Christ went through, and understand how personal it is for each and every person, then nothing is ever, ever going to stop you from sharing it. People may not listen to you, but you will have the desire to share. And you will share. People who have had that change of heart understand the Atonement so much better than others. And they're the ones who do all they can to give such great knowledge and upliftment to everyone around them. I feel like that's what I'm doing. Not because I'm awesome and know a whole lot and think you all should listen to be. It's because I've felt my heart changing. I've felt my life changing. I've been making an effort to strive to become the best I can be, to continue to improve. To have integrity and virtue, to be an example. So I want all of you to understand the things that I've learned. Because those things are awesome. They make me so happy, like nothing else can. Every time I open my scriptures, and truly study them and want to learn, I get so excited. Today, sitting down, and talking about integrity filled me with joy. And I want to share than joy with others! It's the best thing ever!

I feel like I've been all over the place with this post. But, hopefully, it all makes sense to you. Hopefully my words made it possible for the spirit to enter into your heart and testify to you. Because nothing I ever say or type is worth anything, unless the spirit is there. I'm merely an instrument in the Lord's hand, and I'm trying to let Him guide me in the way He wants. I don't know whether I'm a screwdriver or a saw, but he does, and He will use me accordingly, as long as I let Him. I just want you guys to know that I know there is no greater happiness, no greater joy, than the joy and happiness you receive from living the Gospel, and from sharing it with others. If you truly search the scriptures and desire the spirit to teach, you'll get to be a nerd like me, and get excited to read the scriptures. And it's the best thing ever. The Gospel is awesome. It makes me want to be the best I can be. It makes me want to continue to be better, to reach my full potential. I never want to just stop, to just say, "Oh, I'm doing pretty good. I think I'm worthy." No, I want to keep going, to keep making progress, to keep pushing myself a step forward, so that I will be able to look, with joy, and little or no regret, into the eyes of my Savior. I yearn for that day. And I hope I won't disappoint myself or Him.